My name is Deja and I’m a love addict. It still sounds weird saying it but it is something I have finally accepted. I realized I was a love addict about two years ago after a bad break-up in an almost 9 year unhealthy relationship. Did I mention Unhealthy?? well honestly that is an understatement. You would think I would enjoy my freedom and celebrate new beginnings, but noooo, what did I do? I jumped into another relationship 3 months later.
All of the red-flags were there. Not that this new guy was a bad guy, but he definitely wasn’t for me and I surely wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. But “head over heels” in lust I dived head first into what I thought would solve all of my hurt and pain. If only someone else could love me the “right way.” And so I proceeded to spend every free second I had with this guy, until we crashed and burned.
Being that it didn’t work out I made the worst mistake ever and ran back to my unhealthy relationship because it was where I was comfortable, and it was convenient. I knew deep down inside it was not where I wanted nor needed to be and it would only drag me further and further into the midst of depression and so after a year of ups and downs and drama, I left…for good.
Here I am now, 28 years old and three kids later, having to figure out this thing called love…true, healthy, real love. Many lessons learned a long the way but still more to come. Learning about self love has been my main focus this year so far. It is easy for me to see the good in someone and create a fantasy in my head of who they are when in reality they are nothing close to that. I love the idea of love and wish I could ride off into the sunset with my prince charming and live happily ever after but in reality, I know that will never happen.
The Law of Attraction tells us to focus on what we do want and it shall manifest into our lives. “Love, and you shall be loved.” While focusing on what I DO want I am also learning self love, positive affirmations, and ways to understand healthy relationships and better myself for when my king comes…this is a diary of my journey, my thoughts, and emotions, and my findings along the way. Enjoy.
-A love Addict-